but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
