I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
