dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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