my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
