he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize