I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
