whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
