What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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