Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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