i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
