My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
