I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
barbara walters just said penis...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
