I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Slut skills are useful in every country.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
