i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
