he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
