so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize