He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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