Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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