I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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