bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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