you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
