I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
