I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
