That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
