i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
