sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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