I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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