I love black thongs
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
