I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize