you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
