I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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