I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize