once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
