I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
