I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
