i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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