And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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