he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
try to milk me bitch
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