So drunk its hurt
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
