We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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