bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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