she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
