After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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