Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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