Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize