the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
