You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is the high leading the old right now
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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