do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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