Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
