I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
