Can Purell be used as lube?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My feet surprised me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
