Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
