I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
