.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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