i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
