CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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