Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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