And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
