so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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