im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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