He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize