She is in my trunk
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
