Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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