I love black thongs
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
