Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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